As it turns out, fundraising is not the easiest thing I have ever done. In fact it is well past most of the tough things I have experienced that at the time seemed incredibly daunting. Its difficult not to scoff at my 2008-self for thinking that being a college freshman on a giant campus was terrifying. HA. False, self. That was nothing. Try accumulating an entire year's salary in 7 weeks or less. It sounds like a sick game show that would come on late at night when networks air things too scary for little kids. Watch out little Timmy, she's making the cold calls! Say it isn't so!
Alright. Perhaps I'm being a bit dramatic. But this is pretty blood curdling stuff. I would be lying though if I didn't say that God has already been very faithful to me, just in these beginning weeks. He has shown up in my funding (I'm sitting pretty at 12% funded. Only 58% more till I can move to PA!). He has also seen fit to provide me a place to live in the form of FREE housing with an awesome family in State College. Said family offered me a basement with a bed and free reign of their stove a few nights a week. I'll take it! They have a garden, a dog, and an awesome kid. Truly, I could not have picked a better spot if I had to.
I'm still adjusting to the idea that I will be living somewhere other than Maryland (much less a place where I will have to buy real snow clothing... where do you even get that stuff?). But, the stellar housing, combined with the fact that I recently got to meet and hang out with my new EDGE teammate (who is fantastic) have gotten me pretty pumped for next year. This is good because it is sometimes nearly impossible for me to see the light at the end of the funding tunnel. I occasionally get swept up in the idea that I'm just going to be walking in dark un-fundedness forever till a panic train comes through and crushes me to death. Fortunately, there are few trains in Southern Maryland, so this will probably never physically happen. But I'm still liable to be crushed by the weight of my own feelings of either A) failure- feeling like I'm not doing this "right" or B) terror- that no one in their right mind would want to support my ministry.
Essentially what I have had to re-learn every day for the past 3 weeks (I'm terribly forgetful) is how desperately I need to remember that this is God's plan, not mine. Therefore, He will be supplying me with my funds, not me. Thank goodness. I've recently tripped over the discovery that I couldn't do this for myself if someone was holding a knife to my jugular. Hence my need for the God of the universe to do a little heart softening and find people who are super excited about what I'm doing. It has been really good to have to get on my knees every few hours to ask the Lord to supply me with my daily bread. I've never honestly been in a position before where I've had this little safety net under my plans. Its scary, yes. But also very good at taking me back to God again and again.
I leave you with this, a verse that I've written on almost every surrounding surface for the last two weeks:
"Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God."-2 Cor 3:4-5-
God bless,
Kaitlin
